Absolutely Nothing Will Keep Americans Out of StarbucksS

Starbucks' "cater to hobos" strategy is succeeding! Makes sense, what with all the hobos out there these days. The caffeine-'n-CDs-of-artists-you-used-to-like-before-you-saw-their-albums-on-sale-at-Starbucks chain is now the third-largest fast food chain in America.

Fuck you, Wendy's. Suck my mermaid, Burger King. We're not just talking about dominance in coffee; only McDonald's and Subway are more likely to be found littering the American landscape with their trash than Starbucks is. Remember when Starbucks had to close some of its NYC locations? Well you can now mention that in your dramatic recounting of living in the city's "bad old days," because Starbucks is back to opening a shitload of new Manhattan locations.

What's the secret to Starbucks' recent success? Very simple: higher prices. And rats. "I will pay any price to be surrounded by rats," is the motto of the average Starbucks consumer.

[Photo via AP]