Paris Hilton took a trip to the Van Nuys courthouse today to testify against the armed home invaders whose attack she tweeted last year. Boyfriend Cy Waits was there to lend emotional support. But then—Paris, look behind you!
They were under attack! According to TMZ, a man in wraparound sunglasses and a white t-shirt tried to throttle Cy.
But before the interloper could do any damage, Paris' giant bodyguard swooped in and subdued the unfortunately shod man.
Did you know that celebrity bodyguards' preferred method for subduing possible attackers is to kneel on their heads? According to Paris Hilton's bodyguard, at least.
Another perilous day in the life of Paris Hilton.
Good-bye, scary alleged attacker. The internet tells me your name is James Rainford, and that you have stalked Paris before. We'll see you when Paris takes you to court for attacking her, James. At that point, some other attacker can come out of nowhere and throttle Cy, just like you did today.
Realizing she was stuck in an infinite loop of life endangerment, Paris Hilton called a press conference. I don't know what she said yet, but it'll probably be all over the internet in an hour or two.