Naked Teacher Shows Up to School Praising His 'Third Eye'

You know that common recurring nightmare where you're wandering around your elementary school after hours, and you stumble into your teacher, and he's completely naked and wanting to talk to you about enlightenment? No? Maybe it's just me. Anyway — that scenario has played itself out in real life. What does it all mean?

Harlan Porter, a 31-year-old teacher at B.C. Haynie Elementary School in Georgia, was discovered by another teacher walking through the school completely naked at 3:20 p.m. on Friday. Porter had recently learned that his contract wouldn't be renewed.

The students had already gone home, sparing Porter a charge of child molestation, but he was jailed and charged with public indecency and indecent exposure. The police officer who arrested him didn't fail to see the humor in the situation — particularly when the teacher started babbling in New Age-speak.

The arresting officer wrote in the incident report that Porter spoke of a "new level of enlightenment" and said "he wanted everybody to be free now that his third eye was open."

"I then explained the obvious problem with his third eye being opened in public," the officer wrote. "He readily agreed that his decision to remove his clothing posed a problem and stated that he understood why I would likely have to place him under arrest."

The police report went on to say that teachers had noticed other strange behavior in Porter: The strict vegan had been spotted binging on Taco Bell just hours before his nude stroll. Which — everybody now! — goes a long way towards explaining that gaping third eye. [Atlanta Journal-Constitution, image via Shutterstock]