It's true! Little girls and their older cousins (or moms? oh god, moms??) will soon be able to sit down at the same movie and feel those youthful tingles of chaste lust together. Also today: more Hunger Games news, some gay stuff, and various dismaying CBS news.

  • Bad boy turned lovable movie star Mark Wahlberg is teaming up with Canadian wood nymph Justin Bieber to make a movie about street basketball. Yuppp! The script will be written by the creator of HBO's New York version of Entourage, How to Make It in America, so you know it's gonna be sick! Nothing says cool guy street b-ball steez quite like this cat. At this point it's just funny what they figure little girls will buy. Evangelical Canadian white boy who's 5'5" in a movie about street basketball? Absolutely, of course! Sure! The real puzzler about this thing is what Mark Wahlberg is thinking. Why involve yourself in a movie you know everyone in the world will be making fun of? Hm, what's that? Lots and lots of money? Oh, right. [Deadline]
  • Elizabeth Banks has officially been confirmed as the actress who will play Effie in the big Hunger Games movie adaptation. This thing is really coming together! Who else do we need at this point? About half the tributes, Cinna, Haymitch, the other two stylists, various Capitol bigwigs, many extras. OK, OK, so they've still got some work to do. But guys, they're really making this movie! Let's hope it's as horrifically violent as we hope it will be! [THR]
  • Ohhh gay gravy. Theater diva with a capital DIVA Patti LuPone will be guest-starring on a New York City-set episode of Fox's Glee, the gay propaganda machine that is coming for your kid any day now. Apparently Chris Colfer, who plays the 1940s gay angel Kurt on the show, will not have a scene with Ms. LuPone, presumably because the two of them in the same scene on Glee would cause all the gay volcanoes to erupt, thus covering good, god-fearing men in hot gay lava, all over their faces, in their hair, in their mouths, just a shower of gay lava exploding all over these poor helpless god-fearing straight men who really, really hate Glee. [EW]
  • This is good to know. Coto De Pablo, who plays the "ethnic" one (she's Israeli, duh) on CBS's rah-rah sis boom bah AmericaShow NCIS, has reupped her contract for two more years and will make $120,000 per episode. $120,000 every week, just for rolling her eyes at that wacky DiNozzo and looking quizzically at that zany weirdo Abby. Anyone could do that! I'll do that! Pay me $120,000 a week to do that please! Oh, also in NCIS news, the creator of the show, who CBS fired, is suing the network for royalties from spin-off NCIS: LA, claiming he's owed money from any project based on his original creation. Man, it's always the artistic geniuses that get screwed. (Weird fact I learned while researching the creator of NCIS: Sean Murray, aka McGee on NCIS, is his stepson, and Sean Murray is, in fact, the guy who played Thackery Binx, before he gets turned into a cat, in Hocus Pocus. Thackery Binx, thy mangy feline! Still alive? Yes, he is! And he's on TV! Weird.) [Deadline, EW]
  • Oh, look, more great news from CBS. Chuck Lorre is apparently hard at work creating a Two and a Half Men reboot that would make up for Sheen's absence with an as-yet-uncast male actor to play opposite Jon Cryer. Not as Cryer's brother, they're not recasting Sheen, no it would be in a new hilarious situation. Why can't they just have Holland Taylor sitting on a stool drinking a dry martini and telling stories for 23 minutes a week? I'd watch that, and it'd be so much cheaper. And if I'd watch it, you know someone else would. At least one other person. Don't you care about us, CBS?? Give us Holland Taylor: Boozing and Musing right now! [THR]
  • Fear not, diehard Elisha Cuthbert fans. (You know you're out there.) Her ABC comedy Happy Endings has bounced back in the ratings after a little dip. This thing could have legs! Probably not very long legs, but legs nonetheless. It's up and moving, is what I'm saying. Who knew! Finally a show about white people (and, OK, one black guy) talking about relationships! God, we've really been needing one of those since all the other shows about white people talking about relationships went away earlier this year. [The Wrap]

[Photo via Getty]