In the wake of any gigantic news story, like the death of Osama bin Laden, there are a million other little news stories that don't get nearly enough attention, starve to death, and then wash up on shore with all the other forgotten driftwood. Here are some that got screwed today.
Tilapia: Oh man, poor tilapia. The flaky white fish has been waiting years for its day in the sun. The publicist for the National Tilapia Foundation has been working for ages to get a story on the goodness of the "perfect farm fish" on the front page of the New York Times, and finally it happened. Until the tilapia piece was replaced with a picture of the twin towers burning on 9/11 and the story got bumped all the way to A6. Ouch. That really sucks fish sticks.
The Royal Wedding: Sure, it was on Friday. Sure, we had months of chatter and speculation and gossip about it. But it's only Monday. We haven't used up all our Chelsy Davy jokes yet. The couple isn't even back from their honeymoon yet. Now there is no one to report what Kate Middleton is wearing right this second. Actually, we probably owe OBL a big thank you, because he closed the media scrap book on this one for good.
Flava Flav's Arrest: While you were out celebrating the death of al Qaeda, do you know what Flava Flav was doing? Calling a lawyer! Lucky for the former rapper and current pop culture oddity, the news of his arrest for an assortment of motor vehicle violations broke the day we were all wallowing in the blood of Osama bin Laden. You got off easy this time, Flav.
The Met Ball: Hey guys, the Met Ball is tonight! Yeah, we weren't invited to Anna Wintour's big shindig at the Metropolitan Museum of Art to raise money for its Costume Institute either. That's probably because we're not celebrities or fancy fashion designers or the type of people who can afford (or afford to borrow) a piece of Alexander McQueen to wear to the ball, which is dedicated to the late fashion designer this year. But preparations are still happening, not that you've heard because other things are keeping our lifestyle sections occupied today. Don't worry, we'll do our best imitation of Fashion Police on the outfits tomorrow—Osama news be damned!
NeNe Leakes Vs. Star Jones: When my metaphorical grandchildren ask me where I was when I heard the news that Osama bin Laden was dead, I will tell them that I learned the way all true Americans learned: looking at Twitter while watching NeNe Leakes and Star Jones fight on Celebrity Apprentice. I originally intended to dedicate all of Monday to endlessly dissecting this great reality TV throw down, but no. Around 10:15 we got the "boop-be-doop" that means we're going to get interrupted by the news and it told us the President would be addressing the nation at 10:30. He cut into the program at 10:45 just as we were about to find out who was going to get fired (it was Hope, spoiler alert) which just goes to show you that Obama really is trying to fuck with Donald Trump. And now, instead of watching NeNe intimidate star on a loop for 12 hours, we have to hear about boring Osama bin Laden. Way to ruin our fun, breaking news!
[Image via Getty]