Oh, come on, you don't actually believe this nonsense that Osama Bin Laden was really killed in a firefight on Sunday… do you? The internet has found the truth behind the Osama Bin Laden death conspiracy. It's a ruse to distract from Obama's Kenyan origins!
See, Osama Bin Laden couldn't have been killed in Abbottabad, since he's actually been dead for "nearly a decade". He was already dead in December 2001 when he released that video claiming responsibility for 9/11: It was actually a "fat Bin Laden look alike." (Would love to see the Craigslist casting call for that gig.) I mean, a burial at sea? Really? And we're supposed to believe you're not releasing pictures because you don't want to offend people or something? Laughable.
So, why would Obama choose last night to perpetrate this massive hoax on the entire world? "What are they breaking the news to hide?" asks the conspiracy theorists at abovetopsecert. Well, insane, unstoppable birther Orly Taitz has an idea: Today there is a 9th Circuit Court of Appeals hearing regarding one her many joke lawsuits challenging Obama's presidential legitimacy. No doubt, Barack Obama wanted to bury the news that Orly Taitz was going to produce undeniable evidence that Obama's long-form birth certificate was a fraud, written with the wrong kind of pen or something!
Our court hearing is scheduled to start in just a few hours. Major networks are supposed to be there with cameras rolling. Suddenly, Obama announces that the body of Osama Bin Ladin (sic) is found and we need to prepare for a possible terrorist act. Perfect timing!
So, that's obviously it. Who knows what other corpses Obama has stored in a meat locker in the basement of the White House to wheel out the next time his presidential scam is threatened. D.B. Cooper? The Long Island Serial Killer?
[Image via AP]