Kate Middleton's sister usurps Prince Harry as "royal sibling most likely to dance on a banquette." Jesse James hints that Sandra Bullock wasn't that great in bed. Marie Osmond remarries her ex-husband. Thursday gossip knows how to party.
- Nary a week after the royal wedding, and we get our first royal scandal: The emergence of party photos of royal sibling Pippa Middleton in her bra, grinding a half-naked man, means that Prince Harry is no longer the designated royal party monster. (How fitting that Pippa's partial nudity is, in fact, ridiculously demure.) Pippa is famous for feuding with Princess Beatrice (the one who wore the crazy hat) and fighting to get disco balls installed in Buckingham Palace for the royal wedding reception. Despite strenuous objection from palace officials, Pippa won the battle of the royal disco balls. Centuries from now, madrigals will sing of her feats: Pippa the Partier, the commoner who rose above, then burned the house down because the roof the roof the roof was on fire and she came here to parrrty.
Between ass-flashing brother (NSFW link) James Middleton, pleasure-palace-dwelling Uncle Gary, and royalty theme stripper cousin Katrina Darling, the Middletons are officially my favorite branch of the royal family. May their feuds with hat-wearing princesses be long, dirty, and well chronicled. [Us, images via Getty and UsMagazine.com]
- Jesse James, a voltron composed of every bad ex-boyfriend in the world, went on Howard Stern's radio show and announced that Kat Von D is "100 percent" better in bed than Sandra Bullock, the ex-wife he publicly humiliated by cheating prolifically with a series of strippers and porn stars who bear eerie resemblance to Kat, and wearing Nazis hats, and other shameful things. [E!]
- Marie Osmond remarried ex-husband Stephen Craig, thereby "pulling an Elizabeth Taylor." The ceremony was at the Las Vegas Mormon Temple. [DListed, People]
- Real Housewife of Atlanta Kim Zolciak wanted to take a sexy pregnancy picture with NFL boyfriend Kroy Biermann, but then she got busy, so she sent a life-sized sex doll instead. Confused, Kroy bent over and sniffed Kim Dollciak's crotch. "The silicone is too fresh. This is not Kim," he concluded. [L&S]
- Oksana Grigorieva dropped her domestic violence claim against Mel Gibson, leaving Mel's lawyer "visibly shocked." She dropped her restraining order and wants to be able to communicate with him directly. This can only end in disaster. [TMZ]
- Elin Nordegren is dating again: "She was seeing a banker in Florida for three months, but that went nowhere." When your girlfriend has a reputation for beating unfaithful lovers with golf clubs, you really have to step it up. [Us]
- Turns out The Rock really did know about Osama bin Laden's capture before everyone else did, maybe. His cousin is a Navy SEAL and he has "a lot of friends who are in the military, from soldiers to generals." You should have seen how wasted he got with General Petraeus last weekend! Most epic beer pong tournament ever. [The Daily]
- Hugh Hefner tweeted a picture of his wedding invitation. It features a custom stamp with a picture of Hef and child bride Crystal Harris cuddling. [@HughHefner]
- David Hasselhoff's ex-wife Pamela Bach has offered to be a surrogate mother to the unborn Petri dish child of 92-year-old Zsa Zsa Gabor and husband Prince Frederic. This story keeps getting weirder. [DailyMail]
- One Superman star, Henry Cavill, is engaged. Another,
Richard DonnerJackie Cooper has died. Mazel tov and rest in peace, members of the extended Superman family. Update: I put the wrong Superman star's name in this item. Richard Donner did not die. Apologies. [People, THR]