A group of hibernating black bears who supposedly worked as security guards for some alleged Farmer Potpusher in British Columbia should be waking up really soon, says B.C. province's environmental minister. If the bears don't learn how to forage fast, they might be goners.
Discovered by Mounties last August, the dependable, hard-working bears haven't released any public statements regarding their future plans—but B.C. Minister of Environment Terry Lake told the press he expects them to show up "any day." And when they do, they should probably buy some Greyhound bus tickets and GTFO there:
"The conservation officers will be paying very close attention to making sure the individual is not feeding them and monitoring the bears to see if they are posing a danger," Lake said.
The bears could be relocated from the property or possibly destroyed if they can't return to finding food naturally.
"When bears are habituated like this they go back to where they were fed," Lake said.
"We are hoping if there is no food they will start foraging naturally — if they don't, we will have to have a plan of action."
Bears that can't forage aren't always killed, but they often are. So maybe someone should inform these black bears that they don't have to die—that they have marketable skills that are in demand by employers such as the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation, which pays its security guards the big bucks. Though it's true the American dollar isn't doing too well these days, piles of cash is still better than piles of dog food. Just think about it, marijuana bears.