McDonald's Seeks to Lure Hobos Away from StarbucksS

Ubiquitous den of violence and flim-flammery McDonald's has always been the haven of choice for urban and rural hobos alike. But with Starbucks moving aggressively to corner the hobo-gathering-place market, McDonald's is striking back with a billion-dollar hobo-attraction campaign of its own.

USA Today, the McDonald's of newspapers, reports that McD's is about to drop a billion dollars to make itself look less like McD's.

Goodbye, fiberglass tables and industrial steel chairs. Adios, neon-yellow, bright-red interiors. Hello, wooden tables, comfortable faux leather chairs and interiors newly painted in muted oranges, yellows and even subtle greens.

It's all part of McD's plan to convince you to "stick around and tap into free Wi-Fi service as you sip a cappuccino." Next to a bunch of hobos who are also nursing a single cup of coffee while looking at online porn, at McDonald's. By luring these hobos away from Starbucks, McDonald's will be able to project a warm, inviting atmosphere to the many hobos prowling the streets. "Come in, stay a while," says the new McDonald's decor. "Buy something from the value menu, kick back, clip your toenails, and share gossip about the best nearby soup kitchens with your fellow hobos."

Most Americans can't afford fast food any more, but those prosperous enough to be considered "hobos" rather than "wretched beggars" can still scrape together a few bucks from panhandling. They are now America's most valued consumers.

[USA Today; photo via Ed Yourdon/ Flickr]