Northwestern Stops Offering a Minor in Fucksaw Sciences

The fucksaw scandal that rocked Northwestern University to its very foundations, in which a psychology professor innocently hosted a demonstration of a motorized sex toy on a woman in front of 100 gape-jawed students, has reached its sad yet inevitable conclusion: Professor Michael Bailey's human sexuality class will no longer be offered at the school.

University spokesman Alan Cubbage offered this statement:

"Courses in human sexuality are offered in a variety of academic departments in other universities, and Northwestern is reviewing how such a course best fits into the university's curriculum. At Northwestern University, the dean of a college/school has the right and responsibility to determine course assignments."

Also notable absent from the Fall 2011 curriculum:

  • 350. Advanced Sexuality: Plowzilla in Action
  • 422. Deviancy II: The Joy of the Pneumatic Trespasser
  • 468. Special Topics in Physiological Psychology: The Twinserter
  • 614. Social Psychology and the Art of the Pussy Wacker

Sorry, students. Your disappointment is totally justifiable. [Sun Times]