Best diet! Paul Pierce! Boxy gyms! Gatti movie! NFL workouts! Seniors exercising! Fitness chore! Discrimination tests! Michelle Obama! And the dangers of manhood! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—dashingly!
- Which is better, Jenny Craig or those other diets? Well the tests are in, and the answer is: Jenny Craig. The longer answer is, get off that "Cookie n Lard" diet.
- Paul Pierce has lots of things to say about how to work out. Hey Paul Pierce, do you have a "Celtics suck" workout? No? I know who does, though: The Knicks. Not this year though. But Celtics do suck though. Even if the Knicks do too. Shut up Paul Pierce. Celtics are so wack.
- "How to find a boxing gym for your child." First, smack them around a lot. Then drink a beer.
- Speaking of that, there is a new documentary about Arturo Gatti, a boxer who was very physically fit except for the brain part of him.
- The NFL is having big time labor troubles so the players are now having workouts led by the players themselves. How is that going? "A disaster." Well, don't let the punter lead the workout! Cause punters are the weakest football players. (Except for their legs, so they can lead the leg workouts, but not the remainder of the workouts, would be my suggestion.) Let's not discriminate against punters though, this is a team.
- Seniors are "exercising"—their right to a better, more youthful life, that is! As far as actual exercising, they're not doing much of that.
- How do you make physical fitness a choice, not a chore? First you take it off the "chore board" in the kitchen.
- A court's ruled that 100 women who wanted to be prison guards in Connecticut were "subjected to a discriminatory physical fitness test" consisting of 25 penis push-ups.
- Michelle Obama is always running around like a mad woman and blaming it on some "fitness event." What are you really running from, Michelle? Run into my arms, and tell me, softly.
- What is the biggest risk factor for early death in this day and age? Being a man. Specifically, being a man that the commander-in-chief's wife has a secret crush on. But hey; that's just part of being a man. I don't sweat it. (Or do I?)