Political prop and fecund fameball Bristol Palin has admitted to getting surgery on her jaw: "I had corrective jaw surgery." Like a starlet "correcting" a deviated septum, Bristol insists that the alteration was a medical necessity.
As a side effect, she has an awesome new face: "I am absolutely thrilled with the results. I look older, more mature, and don't have as much of a chubby little baby face!" America's most successful unsuccessful abstinence advocate tells Us she would never get plastic surgery: "I don't obsess over my face."
Gawker broke the story of Bristol's new face. (Dear Pulitzer committee: We're ready.) Here are the lessons we learned:
- Plastic surgeons who give quotes to tabloid magazines know nothing.
- Corrective jaw surgery is also a great weight loss supplement.
- Now that Bristol's a career reality star, she has no choice but to indulge the prying public's questions. Her livelihood depends on it! This is good news, because it means if we ask her enough, she will eventually tell us how she really feels about her mother.
- Speaking of Sarah Palin, we finally found the only thing that can silence her: Bristol's rising (surgically enhanced) profile. Sarah has been uncharacteristically silent throughout this affair. Not a single anti-media tweet about Bristol's new face, job, or Hollywood life—although she did tweet about Bristol's Dancing with the Stars partner today.