Hey, how about a totally unsubstantiated crazytown story, from the internet? It's about an advertising executive's penis! Oh, now you're interested. Well then, fine.
The following story comes from a Reddit thread, and was brought to our attention by Agency Spy. Adrian Chen, our in-house Reddit expert, points out that the person who posted this on Reddit is a "longstanding redditor," not some unknown newbie, which is a point in favor of it being true. Then again: it's on Reddit. So it could just be total bullshit. To the story!
A friend of mine started dating a guy named Kent. This was just a couple months ago. Now Kent was GORGEOUS. He was also really nice and funny. He had a good job as an advertising exec and seemed pretty well off. So they dated for a little over a month and things seemed really great. I guess Kent got really comfortable because when they went to bed for sexytime my friend said that he was particularly rough this time. He was doing her doggystyle and whispers in her ear "I want you to have a part of me with you at all times, forever. Would you like that?". Going along with is she said yes. He proceeds to get up and walk out of the bedroom. He comes back WITH A FUCKING KNIFE. Scared she asked him what he was doing and he quickly sat on his knees in bed and proceed to make a small cut ON HIS DICK then said "now suck me into you".
She didn't even get fully dressed before running out of the front door. Bye Kent.
True? Fictional? There's really no way to tell. Unless you ever gave a blowjob to a bleeding-dick ad exec named Kent. In which case, do let us know.
[Reddit. Image from "American Psycho": Lionsgate]