Osama Bin Laden Had a Porn Stash for Masturbating Islamically

Investigators recovered a "fairly extensive" cache of "modern, electronically recorded" pornography from Osama bin Laden's compound, according to Reuters. Considered in concert with the fact that he also reportedly had natural boner juice on hand, one can reasonably conclude that bin Laden spent the balance of his time on the run jackin' it.

The unnamed intelligence officials who spoke to Reuters about bin Laden's boner jams didn't say what format the porn was—whether it consisted of files on his hard drive, DVDs, videotapes, etc.—or, crucially, what kind of pornography it was. Was it gay pornography? Yes. Yes, it was gay pornography, almost certainly.

Keep in mind that—while Mark Hosenball, the Reuters reporter breaking the story, is an excellent national security sleuth—virtually everything "intelligence officials" have said about the bin Laden raid and its aftermath has turned out to be a lie. Also, saying "bin Laden had porn" is a pretty tempting way to try to discredit him as a fraud to his followers, and is the kind of thing "intelligence officials" might say irrespective of whether or not it is in fact true.

On the other hand, Osama bin Laden had a massive, almost certainly gay, porn collection in his house. See how fun that is to believe?