There Are Not Bugs Crawling Under Your Skin, You're Just Crazy

Beyond happiness! Dangerous hospitals! Depressed moms! Tinnitus findings! Morgellon's disease! Skin cancer! Binge drinking! Horse herpes! And coffee men for good prostate love! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—creepily!

  • Everybody's always looking for happiness, but what lies beyond happiness? Brother, I don't even want to know! Just give me the happiness!
  • Feeling sick? Think going to the hospital would be the right move? Well guess what, workers at the hospital might be covering up a patient's death. Still want to go to the hospital, champ? You do? A different hospital? Let's not get all technical.
  • If your mom is depressed, you have a 50% chance of being depressed. And if your mama is fat? Haha, don't shoot the messenger bro! But seriously, obesity is a big problem among moms (yours).
  • New research on tinnitus indicates that rinnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggggggggg.
  • Are you one of those people who's always like "I have a thing called Morgellon's disease, which means that mysterious bugs are literally infesting my skin and crawling under my skin and sometimes even crawling out through my skin?" I know your type. You people are everywhere. Well you'll be happy to learn that the PRESTIGIOUS MAYO CLINIC has done actual scientific investigations of samples from 108 people who say they have this condition, and they found that 107 of them were absolutely fine with no bugs in them at all, except for the "bugs" in their brain, meaning they are crazy. And the other one had pubic lice. This is a true story.
  • Speaking of skin, you don't want to get skin cancer.
  • There are obvious studies and there are obvious studies, but "Binge drinking tied to memory loss" is just like, I don't even know.
  • Horse herpes. Read more here.
  • Dudes who drink lots of coffee are way less likely to get prostate cancer, and ladies, that's one thing you should look for in a mate. So funny we met each other here in the line at Starbucks, of all places, when I came up to you and said that! Is it fate? Haha, dinner? Ha, yea, I was kidding. I was. Bye.
[Photo: Alfred Shun/ Flickr ]