If you were rich and famous and had a movie to promote, you would be in the south of France right now basking in the sun and strolling down the red carpet in a couture creation. But you're not. You're reading this on the internet somewhere. Because we're jealous, let's all make fun of the stars who are there, shall we?

Jodie Foster is wondering where the hell Mel Gibson is at the press conference for The Beaver. [Image via Getty]

Hard-partying DJ Michelle Rodriguez will not play "Firework" for you. [Image via Getty]

You know Melancholia costars Charlotte Gainsbourg and Kirsten Dunst secretly hate each other. [Image via Getty]

Someone put Peter Fonda in a chair on the beach and told him to "wait right there" way back in '79. He's still just waiting. [Image via Getty]

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We have no idea what de Grisogono or why they're having a dinner, but it sure looks like my kinda crowd. [Image via Getty]

Yes, Leonardo DiCaprio dumped this so he could date Blake Lively. Poor Bar Refaeli. [Image via Getty]

Someone just told a Jew joke. [Image via Getty]

This is George Clooney's girlfriend on a yacht. Yeah, just go kill yourself now. [Image via Bauer-Griffin]

I have no idea who this Tiziana Rocca character is, but she will be my new best friend. [Image via Getty]

Yes, there was an actual event called "China Night." Somehow it wasn't racist. [Image via Getty]

Wendi Deng Murdoch and another actual Chinese person went to China Night to prove it wasn't racist. [Image via Getty]

"Look, Mel. Your old face!"[Image via Getty]

Zoe Saldana really wants the role of Hawkwoman in the Justice League of America remake. [Image via Pacific Coast News]

The photographer repellent Naomi Campbell's billionaire boyfriend invented seems to be working. [Image via Getty]