All the Stars Are Still in Cannes (And You're Still Not)

If you were rich and famous and had a movie to promote, you would be in the south of France right now basking in the sun and strolling down the red carpet in a couture creation. But you're not. You're reading this on the internet somewhere. Because we're jealous, let's all make fun of the stars who are there, shall we?

All the Stars Are Still in Cannes (And You're Still Not)

Jodie Foster is wondering where the hell Mel Gibson is at the press conference for The Beaver. [Image via Getty]

All the Stars Are Still in Cannes (And You're Still Not)

Hard-partying DJ Michelle Rodriguez will not play "Firework" for you. [Image via Getty]

All the Stars Are Still in Cannes (And You're Still Not)

You know Melancholia costars Charlotte Gainsbourg and Kirsten Dunst secretly hate each other. [Image via Getty]

All the Stars Are Still in Cannes (And You're Still Not)

Someone put Peter Fonda in a chair on the beach and told him to "wait right there" way back in '79. He's still just waiting. [Image via Getty]

All the Stars Are Still in Cannes (And You're Still Not)

We have no idea what de Grisogono or why they're having a dinner, but it sure looks like my kinda crowd. [Image via Getty]

All the Stars Are Still in Cannes (And You're Still Not)

Yes, Leonardo DiCaprio dumped this so he could date Blake Lively. Poor Bar Refaeli. [Image via Getty]

All the Stars Are Still in Cannes (And You're Still Not)

Someone just told a Jew joke. [Image via Getty]

All the Stars Are Still in Cannes (And You're Still Not)

This is George Clooney's girlfriend on a yacht. Yeah, just go kill yourself now. [Image via Bauer-Griffin]

All the Stars Are Still in Cannes (And You're Still Not)

I have no idea who this Tiziana Rocca character is, but she will be my new best friend. [Image via Getty]

All the Stars Are Still in Cannes (And You're Still Not)

Yes, there was an actual event called "China Night." Somehow it wasn't racist. [Image via Getty]

All the Stars Are Still in Cannes (And You're Still Not)

Wendi Deng Murdoch and another actual Chinese person went to China Night to prove it wasn't racist. [Image via Getty]

All the Stars Are Still in Cannes (And You're Still Not)

"Look, Mel. Your old face!"[Image via Getty]

All the Stars Are Still in Cannes (And You're Still Not)

Zoe Saldana really wants the role of Hawkwoman in the Justice League of America remake. [Image via Pacific Coast News]

All the Stars Are Still in Cannes (And You're Still Not)

The photographer repellent Naomi Campbell's billionaire boyfriend invented seems to be working. [Image via Getty]