Fellas: you know how it is, right? Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. You come home from a long day at work, stretch out on the couch with a cold one—and all of a sudden, it's "Honey, can you help me clean up?"
Fuck you, you nagging farm animal. I'm the head of the household. I'm not your employee.
Ladies: you know how it is, right? Sure, you know exactly what I'm saying. You come home from a long day at work, the apartment is a mess, and when you ask your husband to raise his fat ass off the couch for one second to lift a finger to help you straighten up, he's all "Give me a minute, god."
Fuck you, you shiftless blob of slob. You're not the quarterback prom king with legions of adoring fans. You're a middle manager at Office Depot. With a dirty apartment.
Fellas, ladies: no need to fret! You're both just base animals rotely acting out the roles that nature has assigned to you. A new study—from science—confirms that "while wives' stress levels drop when their husbands are helping them with chores, for men it's the opposite: stress levels fall when their wives are busy while they're relaxing."
So look, let's just split the difference: ladies, you clean, and fellas, you relax. Not fair, what? This is my relaxing time honey. Remember we talked about this? I'm not listening. I'm not listening.