Fox News Poll: Most Americans Don't Think Osama Got His Virgins

So which secret fairy-tale chamber in the skies or, alternately, below the earth's crust, is Osama bin Laden kickin' it in these days?

CNN was quick to ask the first such question weeks ago, when 61% of respondents concluded that yes, Osama bin Laden is now in the subterranean fire-pit "Hell."

But thanks to Fox News, we now have a poll that confronts the Al Qaeda founder's fate head-on: Did he ever get those sexy lady-virgins he'd spent all these years hyping up in jihadi recruitment pamphlets? Or, to ask Fox's exact question, "Do you believe Usama bin Laden was greeted by 72 virgins in heaven or did he meet a more negative end?"

The results, via CBS News: "Just 3 percent said the 9/11 mastermind was greeted by virgins after being killed at his Pakistan compound. Eighty percent said bin Laden met a 'negative end,' while 17 percent said they were unsure."

So which one of these answers is backed by the available fact-based evidence? Cynics might have to agree with those 17 percent who are unsure, since there's no way of knowing whether this flimsy interpretation of heavenly rewards given to adherents of a 1,500-year-old religion has any truth. But our faith tells us that it was a more "negative end" — 32, 33 virgins, tops. Maybe 34? Let's go with 35 virgins. That's final. And you people have no right to belittle our faith.

[Image of bikini models via Shutterstock]