Other than fighting one's way to Internet super-stardom, the latest trend involving fast food restaurants is mini-sizing: offering smaller-than-usual portions of popular items to maintain brand loyalty among small-stomached or calorie-counting consumers. Bucket-sized out, thimble-sized in!
In recent months, Dairy Queen has begun offering seven-ounce mini Blizzards for folks like Jill from Chicago, who says the small "is always just a little bit too much." With only seven ounces of Blizzard, "you don't feel as guilty." To promote their innovation, Dairy Queen hired "an elite task force" of Treatsmen to wear matching outfits while riding around America in a big truck, giving people "treatments," as in the video above.
Other mini-sizers include Starbucks, which now sells "petite" lemon squares, cupcakes, and other sweets to keep its hobos and hobo-rats looking svelte; and McDonald's, whose Angus snack wrap packs all of the fun and the flavor of its deluxe Angus burger but at half the size. Also on the horizon: "Whopper sliders" by Burger King, the "One-Third Down" by KFC, and the ModestSonic (probably).
Based on economic reports, mini-sizing "lets restaurateurs sell for less without sacrificing profitability"—arguably its best aspect. Shame-free snacking + fattened profit margins = America is the greatest country in the world! The only people who don't seem to benefit from mini-sizing are customers who still want big meals, reports Bloomberg, adding: "More than 70 million Americans weigh in as obese." Hmm, so what Bloomberg seems to be suggesting is that people who want to become or remain obese should probably stick to the largest sizes available.