Tonight's Billboard Music Awards opened with a raunchy performance of "S&M" by Rihanna, during which a bunch of random hands tried to caress her vagina. Then Britney Spears shot up from under the stage! Except that it wasn't good, because Spears lip-synced (Rihanna sang live), danced like she had arthritis, and even managed to mess up a song-ending pillow fight.

Update: Here's Spears' second performance of the night. And by "performance," I mean an even-worse-than-the-first-one cameo at the end of Nicki Minaj's set. Sigh.