You want to know what love is? This is love: Robert Spearing, 44, and his wife had driven to Chicago all the way from the Province of Ontario just to see Oprah's Farewell Spectacular. But tragedy intervened! The day before the taping, he went to police and told them he'd been mugged by two men ("one African-American and one Hispanic," he said) who stole his tickets to the big show.

They took him to a nearby hospital, where he was treated for some superficial wounds to his head. But things just didn't seem to add up (e.g. why would two violent criminals want to attend Oprah's Farewell Spectacular?), and after questioning the victim further, the cops suddenly had an Aha!™ Moment: Spearing had no tickets to Oprah's Farewell Spectacular. He never did! And he had no idea what he was going to tell his wife. So he made up the mugging story.

Spearing, police said, cut his own forehead with a rock and scraped his hands on the sidewalk to mimic injuries from a violent street robbery.

Spearing was charged with one count of felony disorderly conduct for filing a false police report. He spent the night in jail, and a "relative" showed up the next day to post bail. Love and Oprah. They make you do dumb things. He should have just used The Secret. [Tribune, photos via Getty, Chicago PD]