Gwyneth Paltrow's Musical Dreams Cruelly Crushed

It seems that America's sweetheart might not be recording an album after all. Also today: Zach Galifianakis starts shit with January Jones, Wills and Kate swim with sharks, and Leo DiCaprio and Justin Timberlake know all the best ladies.

  • The illustrious music career of world's most perfect sentient being Gwyneth Paltrow may be over before it even really began. The glowing collection of sound vibrations and dust motes had been in talks to make an album with Atlantic Records, but now that deal has apparently fallen through, partly because she was asking for $1 million just to sign the damn deal. That's a very high figure in America's crumbling record industry. So oh well. It doesn't mean she's done singing. There are even rumors afoot that she might show up for a few dates on the Glee tour that's lurching and shrieking into America's cities this summer. Oh good. Will she be on the tour bus with everyone else? Or will she just suddenly appear, crawling out of some macrobiotic cocoon? I'd say odds are 50/50 right now. [P6]
  • Uh oh, celebrity feud time! Zach Galifianakis was recently interviewed for ShortList magazine and the interviewer told him that January Jones had complimented him and Galifianakis responded with this:

    That's really funny because, if I remember correctly, she and I were very rude to each other. It was crazy. I was at a party - I'd never met her - and she was like, "Come sit down." So I sit at her table and talk for 10 minutes, and she goes, "I think it's time for you to leave now." So I say, "January, you are an actress in a show and everybody's going to forget about you in a few years, so f*cking be nice," and I got up and left. And she thinks that's funny?

    Yikes! Well, there's a chance he's Between Two Ferns-ing here, just messing around to mess around. But there's also a chance that Zach Galifianakis Hates January Jones and Jones will be forced to fire back with her own statement and it will just say "I like ribbons" and it will be written on a piece of construction paper in brown crayon and there will be an apple juice stain on it. Looking forward to it! [ShortList]

  • We know the details of where Prince William and Kate Middleton spent their $720,000 honeymoon, but what did they do, other than engage in several bouts of stiff British rodgering? Well, they met animals! Yes, apparently they saw baby turtles and swam with sharks and sting-rays and other creatures of the deep. "There was a horse there too," Kate told reporters, lovingly stroking William's head. "But, of course, I already knew him." [Us]
  • Ewwwwww. In case you missed it, there is a picture of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez, two newly minted sexual beings, kissing on live television during last night's Billboard Nobody Cares awards. Gross Gomez grossly kissed the gross boy after he won some stupid award for his stupid music. Everyone was stupid and kissing is for gross jerks. [Us]
  • Cad about town Justin Timberlake was seen chatting up not one but two ladays at Saturday night's SNL after-party. Famous ladies! He was schmoozing with both Mila Kunis and Olivia Wilde, both of whom he's been rumored to be dating. Ha, this is so silly. Justin was only talking to them because I was running late, but I did eventually get there and the party was great and the next morning he served me breakfast in bed and it was just a plate of bacon, which means it's true love. Glad I could clear that up for everyone! [P6]
  • Here is your requisite Lohan Newz™ for the day. Father Michael Lohan is going to plead Not Guilty to domestic abuse charges today. He was in some sort of domestic foofaraw with his girlfriend, Kate Major, a professional dater of insanely awful monster people. Daughter Lindsay apparently desperately wants to play Carrie in a remake of Carrie. To tie this all together, let's then cast Kate Gosselin in the Piper Laurie role while Dr. Drew plays the sympathetic teacher who still gets squished in the end anyway. And all of us, each and every one of us, will play the Amy Irving part, because we're not bad people, but we did sorta have a hand in all this, y'know? [Radar, TMZ]
  • Weird new couple Leonardo DiCaprio and Blake Lively were spotted canoodling in Portofino, Italy over the weekend. So isn't that wonderful for them, blond richies flaneuring about Europe without a care in the world. Then going back to their hotel room, Leo squishing up against Blake's blonde skeleton, the soft billow of the curtains, the eyes of a portrait hanging on the wall darting back and forth as we all watch and giggle. [Us]
  • One of the Kennedys, RFK Jr.'s daughter Kathleen "Kick" Kennedy, is trying to break into the acting biz and is being shown around Hollyweird by family friend Cheryl Hines. And really, that's how all true actors make it, right? Shown around by a celebrity benefactor. I know that if I decide I want to become a movie star, all I have to do is make one phone call and before you know it the ghost of Sarah Bernhardt will be there to show me the ropes. The ropes she knows are very old and don't really make sense anymore, plus she's scared of cameras and only partially believes in electricity, but they're ropes nonetheless. [P6]
  • [Photo via Getty]