Man Arrested For Masturbating on United Flight

Last week was a rough one for United Airlines, between its Ground Zero ad controversy and an accidental reinstating of the 9/11 flight numbers. So the last thing it really needed was a sticky P.R. nightmare involving a passenger taking the old slogan "come fly the friendly skies" to disgustingly literal extremes.

Kyle Pearce, 25, flew United from Spokane to Denver last Thursday, The Smoking Gun reports. He was arrested at the airport by FBI agents and charged with "obscene and indecent exposure of his person" on an aircraft.

An 18-year-old girl seated across the aisle from Pearce told investigators in a written statement, "I sat next to a man on a plane who was masterbating [sic]. I heard a noise and looked over and saw his penis." Wait. There's more: "He ejaculated & got some on the seat. Then he went to the bathroom for a long time."

Another passenger, 18-year-old Grayson Miller, testified:

"My friend Zach turned to me and said, ‘That man is masturbating' and in disbelief, I looked and saw his penis and he was...I hit him with my book in the arm, which caused him to stop and leave to the bathroom."

As a public service, TSG has been obsessively tracking the movements of the befouled Airbus A319 as though they were some kind of Jizz Traffic Control tower. Bearing the tail number N843UA, it's criss-crossed the country at least 12 times since the incident, and was last seen heading from San Diego to the nation's capital. [TSG, photo via Shutterstock]