Attention, discerning auctiongoers! The head of St. Vitalis of Assisi — the patron saint of genital disease — is up for auction in Ireland this coming Sunday. Obama must be so bummed he just left!
You don't, obviously, need to be suffering from a genital disease to bid on St. Vitalis' head, which comes, as you can see, in this attractive wood-and-glass case. The head was brought to the Emerald Isle by "an Anglo-Irish couple who had acquired it on [a] 'grand tour' of Europe," because who can turn down a saint's head, genital disease association aside? More recently, it was "stored in an old outhouse," as children were living at the home in which it once held a prominent place. (Remember, the auction house cannot guarantee that the head is, in fact, that of St. Vitalis.!)
St. Vitalis of Assisi, as you no doubt know, was a Benedictine monk who lived a life of poverty after "an early life marked by licentiousness and immorality." And be aware! He is the patron saint of genital disease, generally, and not venereal disease, specifically. The patron saint of venereal disease is, of course, St. Fiacre, who is, coincidentally, Irish.