Scientists Suck at Picking Diseases to Eradicate

Fish labeling! Dog drinking! Disease eradicating! Anorexia theorizing! Contaminated fishing! Radiation sexing! Distant-object spotting! Caffeine surviving! And whatever new thing they say about heart disease today! It's your Friday Science Watch, where we watch science—indiscriminately!

  • Scientists have eradicated Rinderpest! Which is a cattle disease that has been fucking up cattle for centuries! It's only the second disease ever to be eradicated, in history! So now you see why I'm using exclamation points! Let's not make this into a referendum on exclamation point use. This is about Rinderpest.
  • Is your fish mislabeled as a different fish? I don't know, is your a fish really a "Filet o?"
  • When dogs drink, they "form a cup with the tongue and scoop up liquid." I'm so goddamn sick of these dog lovers writing stories about dogs and whatever dogs do. Shut up about dogs.
  • Now researchers think anorexia "might be a disease like diabetes." But not as bad, because with diabetes you'd be fat.
  • Sport fish along California's coastline are contaminated with PCBs. Why don't those fish think about the fishermen, for once?
  • Oh goodness, nuclear radiation affects the sex of babies? Haha that's probably why you look like such a girl dude, because you were supposed to be one, except for the radiation.
  • Another day, another new entry for "Most distant thing ever seen." Yeah, it's a gamma ray burst. Never a silhouette of a naked lady changing clothes in a window. Always a gamma ray burst.
  • Scientists have discovered a new microbe that survives solely on caffeine. Yeah, it's called me on a Monday! Joking, folks. It's called Carrot Top! Have you see the way that guy's eyes bug out? It's crazy! But seriously, folks, it's called Pseudomonas putida CBB5, and I hope you'll all give it a big round of applause.
  • Everything you know about heart disease may be wrong! Eh, it's almost the weekend. Forget it.
[Photo: Artnow314/ Flickr ]