What's Opening in Theaters This Weekend

What better way to honor the men and women of the armed services than to go see a movie? OK, there are many far better ways, but why not see a movie anyway? There are hangovers, and pandas!

The Hangover Part II

Technically this came out yesterday, to boffo box office biz, but we're writing about it today so I'd like you to go ahead and deal with it. Basically this is the same movie as the last one only they're looking for a young Thai man instead of Justin Bartha and Ken Jeong is in a lot more of it, which is unfortunate. At least Zach Galifianakis and Ed Helms tend to be funny always. So, yeah. If you know a college-aged boy, then you will hear about this movie. So you might as well see it to get the references. (Super duper wide release)


Kung Fu Panda 2

Kung Fu Panda 2 is about a panda that does Kung Fu, for a second time. Do you need any more explanation than that? Um... Oh, Jack Black's in it. I mean, he does the voice. Of the panda. That does Kung Fu. For the second time. (Wide)


Puzzle

An Argentinian drama about a woman who finds new meaning in her life in the putting together of jigsaw puzzles. If you're at your parents' house for the weekend (and they live in New York) this is the movie you should suggest seeing just to annoy your siblings. (NY only)


Tuesday, After Christmas

Or you could suggest this one. The Romanian film boom continues with this well-reviewed look at marital infidelity and the everyday, but still ntense, complications that arise from stepping out of one's marriage. Eh, on second thought, could be awkward to see with your parents. Stick with the Porteña puzzle solver. (NY)


The Tree of Life

Terence Malick's fifth film in four decades tells the story of a 1950s Texas family and that of the beginning of the universe and life on Earth. This just won the Palme d'Or at Cannes this year, so it's got that going for it. Should you feel the need to spend a few hours this weekend lost in a daze of beautiful imagery and dreamy voiceover, get hella blazed and go see this bad boy. (Limited)


United Red Army

A 190-minute-long movie about Japan's radical left in the 1960s and '70s, United Red Army honestly sounds pretty excruciating. Unless you like this kind of thing. I don't know, do you like this kind of thing? I suspect if you do you are not reading this anyway, so let's move on. (NY)


We Are the Night

A bunch of techno-loving lady vampires run around Germany being sexy and eating people. This trailer is dubbed, but the actual movie will likely run with subtitles. We don't really do dubbing here, do we? It's so popular in Europe. I guess that's just how winning works. USA USA USA forever. (Brooklyn only, seriously)