On Friday, the new owners of the Resorts Casino Hotel officially revealed their innovative marketing strategy to stimulate business and make the local townsfolk proud: fill up the place with scantily clad ladies, put on some naked circus shows, and improve the noodle bar.
At yesterday's grand reopening event, spectators got to hear all about the casino's new plans—most exciting of which is the "Naked Circus" series of parties, which co-owner Dennis Gomes promises will be "as naked as the law allows." Hoo boy! The sextacular spectacles will start on the Fourth of July in honor of the Founding Fathers, who hosted America's first and most epic naked-people party on that day in 1776.
In addition to receiving the naked circus news, yesterday's audience got to ogle some ladies dressed up in Resorts' "skimpy," low-cut, black-fringed, flapper-inspired server uniforms, who took to the stage to demonstrate progress and the future. The women had apparently met Resorts' strict sexiness guidelines, enforced by their special sexiness panel. In March, 15 servers who were fired for being "insufficiently sexy" filed a lawsuit against Resorts; the case is still pending. Nobody really talked about them at the grand opening, though! Just noods. And the noodle bar, which has undergone improvements.