Suri Cruise Wears High Heels at the Beach, and Other AbsurditiesS

Suri Cruise suffers for fashion. Lindsay Lohan shills electronic cigarettes. Angelina Jolie gets horny while talking about Brad Pitt. Tuesday gossip creates heel-shaped holes in the sand.

  • Suri Cruise demonstrated her nonstop commitment to glamour by wearing high heels to a Malibu beach party on Memorial Day, trodding haphazardly through the sand with mother Katie Holmes. There is a parallel universe where Katie and Suri are stars on Toddlers & Tiaras. High glitz. [Celebitchy, images via WENN]
  • Angelina Jolie on Brad Pitt: "'Physically he's a real man,' she says, blushing slightly, ‘in all things that it means.'" Just in case you were wondering if he was actually a woman with a fake beard. [Telegraph]
  • January Jones on her name: "It's a stripper name." I was thinking "Eskimo fetish porn star," but same difference, I guess. [Scotsman]
  • Kevin Bacon almost lost his breakout role in Footloose because "the head of the studio famous said, 'He's just not fuckable.'" Little known fact: Kevin Bacon doesn't even have a penis. He produces asexually, by budding. [Details]
  • Lindsay Lohan's new gig: Electronic cigarette spokesmodel. [TMZ]
  • Speaking of Memorial Day beach craziness, LeAnn Rimes went on a bikini twitpic rampage this weekend, with multiple poses to maximize our ability to inspect every square inch of her body. [@LeAnnRimes, Celebitchy]
  • Suri Cruise Wears High Heels at the Beach, and Other AbsurditiesHere's Prince William and Kate Middleton's long-awaited Vanity Fair cover, featuring an "exclusive portrait" by Mario Testino. So why does it look like a polaroid test shot? I thought that was Terry Richardson's thing? [VF]
  • Also at the beach on Memorial Day: Maria Shriver, with her kids and the paparazzi. [People]
  • Meanwhile, Arnold Schwarzenegger spent his Memorial Day driving a mid-life crisis-mobile around Malibu. [Us]
  • Hip-hop star Sean Kingston was in a catastrophic jet ski accident in Miami Beach this weekend. He was hospitalized and is now in stable condition in a local hospital. Justin Bieber is praying for him. [People]