Suri Cruise suffers for fashion. Lindsay Lohan shills electronic cigarettes. Angelina Jolie gets horny while talking about Brad Pitt. Tuesday gossip creates heel-shaped holes in the sand.

  • Suri Cruise demonstrated her nonstop commitment to glamour by wearing high heels to a Malibu beach party on Memorial Day, trodding haphazardly through the sand with mother Katie Holmes. There is a parallel universe where Katie and Suri are stars on Toddlers & Tiaras. High glitz. [Celebitchy, images via WENN]
  • Angelina Jolie on Brad Pitt: "'Physically he's a real man,' she says, blushing slightly, ‘in all things that it means.'" Just in case you were wondering if he was actually a woman with a fake beard. [Telegraph]
  • January Jones on her name: "It's a stripper name." I was thinking "Eskimo fetish porn star," but same difference, I guess. [Scotsman]
  • Kevin Bacon almost lost his breakout role in Footloose because "the head of the studio famous said, 'He's just not fuckable.'" Little known fact: Kevin Bacon doesn't even have a penis. He produces asexually, by budding. [Details]
  • Lindsay Lohan's new gig: Electronic cigarette spokesmodel. [TMZ]
  • Speaking of Memorial Day beach craziness, LeAnn Rimes went on a bikini twitpic rampage this weekend, with multiple poses to maximize our ability to inspect every square inch of her body. [@LeAnnRimes, Celebitchy]
  • Suri Cruise Wears High Heels at the Beach, and Other AbsurditiesHere's Prince William and Kate Middleton's long-awaited Vanity Fair cover, featuring an "exclusive portrait" by Mario Testino. So why does it look like a polaroid test shot? I thought that was Terry Richardson's thing? [VF]
  • Also at the beach on Memorial Day: Maria Shriver, with her kids and the paparazzi. [People]
  • Meanwhile, Arnold Schwarzenegger spent his Memorial Day driving a mid-life crisis-mobile around Malibu. [Us]
  • Hip-hop star Sean Kingston was in a catastrophic jet ski accident in Miami Beach this weekend. He was hospitalized and is now in stable condition in a local hospital. Justin Bieber is praying for him. [People]