New Gossiping Twitter Account Puts Britain In a Tizzy

Oh ho ho, what slander! What loathsome gossip! A new anonymous Twitter account has been publishing rumors about British celebs and everyone is freaking out, again. This proves England is not equipped to handle the internet.

Some of the 14 rumors tweeted by user legal_AIDS yesterday include that Tony Blair's daughter attempted to commit suicide in 2004 by taking an overdose. And that singer Annie Lennox "had a lesbian affair while she was married to her second husband." You should accredit as much validity to these rumors as you would anything written by a random anonymous person on the internet. (The Blair daughter rumor seems especially fake, as it was first floated by an anti-war site which said "pressure over father Tony's warmongering at school" was a contributing factor!) But the account, which has about 2,259 followers right now, has caused an uproar because in the UK celebs can get gag orders known as "superinjunctions" which ban the press from writing about sensitive personal subjects.

Last month, another user began tweeting rumors about celebs who had allegedly taken out superinjunctions to kill various scandalous stories. This brought about a ridiculous saga where British papers weren't able to name the subjects of rumors anyone with an Internet account could read. Soccer player Ryan Giggs sued all of Twitter for being the subject of one of the rumors, which of course had the effect of spreading his name and the rumor all over the internet.

So, the whole thing will play out again. All the users who retweet Legal_AIDS' scandalous rumors will have their heads put on a spikes outside the Tower of London, and England will announce the construction of a big moat around the internet filled with dragons to keep all of the terrible gossip out.