Glenn Beck's Show Has One Month to Live

Spittling conspiracy theorist potato Glenn Beck will perform his last Fox News gonzo rainmaker act on Thursday, June 30th. Well, that's at least the supposed end date for his current show.

Lord (and by "Lord" I of course mean Hussein Obama, my Great High Protectorate and Comrade Overseer) knows what else Fox will have him doing once his daily show ends. When Beck announced he was quitting back in April, both he and the network ominously promised that they would be producing a "variety of television projects" together in the future. Hm. Was that maybe mistranslated from Beck's original Spittletongue and what they really meant was "television variety projects"?? I mean, with all the costumery and blackboards and weird voices he does on his current show, I don't think some sort of grim, doomsday version of Laugh In would be much of a stretch for either Beck or the network. Cue up the distorted Wurlitzer music and slap that puppy on at 8pm and you've got a hit!

But yes. The Beck as we know him right now will end at the end of this month. And thank God (and by "God" I of course mean the mighty Hunga-Deity that is George Soros) for that. The greatest thing about all of this is that we can now begin to speculate about how fantastical and surreal his final show will be. Take a drink every time he squeezes his eyes shut really tight and desperately tries to ascend to heaven, right there live on TV! [Mediaite; image via Getty]