Food Pyramid Destroyed, All Hail the New Food 'Plate'

Michelle Obama and her nosy goons at the USDA have destroyed America's beloved "food pyramid" nutritional diagram in favor of a new "food plate," which they unveiled this morning. As if any Americans eat food off a plate? Wake me when the nutritional diagram for wolfing down food over the kitchen sink comes out.

America's top doctor, Surgeon General Regina Benjamin, confirms that this new "plate" is connected to Michelle Obama's larger plot to stop fat people from being so fat all the time. According to Ag Secretary Tom Vilsack, the fatties were too fat to interpret a pyramid, which was really just a garden-variety 2D triangle. From Forbes:

"We're working to make healthy choices easy choices," said Surgeon General Regina Benjamin at this morning's unveiling, who linked the new diagram to First Lady Obama's Let's Move campaign. Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack followed by explaining the need for the tool, "My Pyramid was simply too complex," he said, and is confident the new tool will be effective is a "simple visual research based icon about proportion sizes and what should be on the American plate."

Do you like the new food plate picture, America? Well, don't worry too much. Hamburgers can count as fruits and/or vegetables. Just hire a lobbyist to re-jigger this thing.

[Image via ChooseMyPlate.gov]