Tea Party Morons Won't Let Go of the Gold Standard

When Armageddon comes and the Antichrist reveals himself — most likely as a cigarette-smoking, cocaine-sniffing, secret Muslim world leader — the only things of value in our Mad Max-like world will be guns, silver and gold.

So we might as well switch back to the gold standard right now. Even though most "economists" and other "smart" people say that returning to the gold standard would be catastrophic, Tea Party™ Patriots still have their eyes set on a return to the good ol' days of robber barons and isolationism — and when America still had a true free market economy. South Carolina statehouse representative Mike Pitts told the Los Angeles Times that academics think they're so smart, but really they're just close-minded simpletons:

"Quite frankly, I think that economists from universities are thinking within the confines of their own little world," Pitts said. "They don't deal with the real issues."

Hmm. But the Tea Party™ world is diverse and "real." And one day, you just might wake up to find that your U.S. dollars are totally worthless.

As befits a movement protesting the federal government, the gold push is decentralized. A Montana measure, voted down by a narrow 52-to-48 margin in March, would have forced all wholesalers to pay tobacco taxes in gold - in electronic transactions backed by bullion held at depositories.

One of the most ambitious proposals, introduced in Georgia, would require the state to accept only gold and silver for all payments, including taxes, and to use the metals exclusively to pay all of the state's debts. That measure has not made it out of committee.

The various bills have frequently been promoted at Tea Party rallies, which have given activists from different states a chance to link up.

Why listen to economists on matters of debt and global finance when you can just turn to newly-elected lawmakers who came into office on a rising tide of fear and ignorance?

[LAT; image via Getty]