People often ask us, in our imagination, "Hey, why are you always vigilantly trying to save The American Man? Is it really so bad if men get eyebrow waxes and talk about "abs" all the time? Shouldn't we welcome technological advances in underwear science?"
No. No we should not. We should fight with every fiber of our stereotypical American Male beings against the menace which, if left unchecked, could bring about our ultimate downfall: Spanx, for "men." Which, despite our voracious protestations, appear to be becoming ever more popular, if this suspiciously press release-like report in the NY Post about bro-der-wear brand 2(x)ist's "men's shapewear" is to be believed:
2(x)ist offers briefs and trunks fitted with a 6-inch-wide waistband to minimize spare tires and improve posture. Farther below, a wide, easy-breathing band of 90-percent cotton lifts the rear while the company's signature "contour pouch" handles the job up front.
For those seeking a more dramatic effect up front, a niche line called "Maximize" hoists the male anatomy even farther.
"Anthony Weiner joke," amirite? Men, is this true? So many of you went out and bought "Spanx"-brand undergarments that other clothing companies have decided to launch their own lines? How could you do this, to our collective national manhood? It's truly a disappointing day, for Mankind.
Wearing that is still better than talking about your "abs" all the time though. You know who I'm talking about, fellas.