Gisele Bundchen Is Becoming a Billionaire and You're Not

Like it or not, a pretty lady is way richer than you. And you'll just have to deal with it. Also today: HBO is making the classiest thing ever made, two funny ladies are teaming up to get your motor running, and Anderson Cooper has a new website.

  • It seems that between a lingerie line, various endorsement deals, and modeling work, supermodel Gisele Bundchen could be on her way to becoming a beautiful Brazilian billionaire. That ought to make Tom Brady smile! Bundchen's big buff baller bride Brady is of course not doing too badly himself, bravely battling barrages on the football field for millions of dollars a year. So Gisele was born a pretty person and therefore has become unimaginably wealthy and Tom Brady can throw a ball good, so give him some millions too, and meanwhile bulbous boozing bloggers get paid minor ducats. The world's atilt, I tells ya! Atilt!! [THR]
  • Encouraged, perhaps, by the success of Edwardian-era Downton Abbey, HBO has given the green light to a miniseries based on Ford Madox Ford's WWI-set Parade's End. The five-parter will be adapted by Tom Stoppard and will star Rebecca Hall and Benedict Cumberbatch (yes). Wow. That is a whole lotta classy right there. That is pretty freakin' fancy. If you had that as one extreme on one end of the spectrum, the other end would have to be like the poop golem from Dogma farting while eating potato chips and masturbating himself to season two of Rock of Love. That is basically the polar opposite of ooohh Parade's End with fancy fancy Benedict and his cumberbatch and Czech prince Tom Stoppard flittering by on his velocipede. There's that on one end and on the other there's a toothless French Canadian hooker giving a hander to a dead hobo behind a Red Robin, all while vomiting. There are two extremes in this world and those are them. That said, I'm super excited for Parade's End! [Deadline]
  • Ohh, speaking of fancy! Anderson Cooper has launched the website for his new daytime chatter Anderson, and it's very nice. Staid, simple, modern but elegant. Not frilly and girly like little Miss Natalie Berkus over there, but also not a heaping pile of steak and urine like Dr. Phil's manly business. It's somewhere in between those two. The website, I mean. The website for his show. But yeah. It's coming in September! (September is a bartender at Eastern Bloc. ZAMBO!) [THR]
  • Haha :) Nobody likes Paris Hilton anymore. The premiere of her lousy new Oxygen show The World According to Paris debuted to a lousy 409,000 viewers. That's really low! Lower than Aubrey O'Day's Oxygen reality show and no one, not even Aubrey O'Day, knows who Aubrey O'Day is! Well, OK, TV-wise that's a low number, but human planet-wise? Pretty high! Guys, there are really four hundred and nine thousand doomed souls among us who wanted to watch a Paris Hilton reality show in the year of our Lord two thousand and eleven? That is dispiriting. The ratings for this should have been 1. That's the highest number the ratings should have been. "What'd we do?" "1." "1?" "1." "I see." [EW]
  • Oh boy. That sproingggg nosie followed by a lot of awkward grunting you just heard was the sound of comedy nerdboys everywhere getting really excited about Party Down sardoni-goddess Lizzy Caplan and Community boobs-next-door Alison Brie both getting cast in the indie comedy Save the Date. Too much funnylady cuteness! Unfortunately for you podcast-listening dorkatrons they'll be playing sisters, so the chances of Rashida Jones/Zooey Deschanel in Our Idiot Brother-style hankpanky are basically nil. Oh well. It will have to remain solely existent in the weird slash fic realm of your brain fantasies! [Variety]
  • The premiere of America's new favorite television show Franklin & Bash, about two hilarious and awesome dude lawyers, didn't do so well in the ratings. Oh no! Guys, I know it's not that you don't want to watch a show about two chill bros who slam chicks and do the law. I know that's not it. So what's up? Why'd you forget to watch? Were you out somewhere pulling a hot chick? I bet you were, you raw-dogging son of a bitch! All right, bro, we're cool then. But you'd best watch next week, or I'm gonna pound your ass! Whoaaaa. Wait. No. Oh god. No homo. I didn't mean it that way. I mean. Oh shit. Uh. I'm gonna go watch Franklin & Bash again. Bash, out! [The Wrap

[Photo via Getty]