What's Opening in Theaters This Weekend

Another weekend is here, bringing another batch of new movies. And why waste these couple days riding your tandem bicycle around and smelling flowers when you could be sitting in a dark room watching old gay men die and parents cry about a school shooting and magical mutant kids blowing up boats and stuff? This is what summer's all about!

Beautiful Boy

Michael Sheen and Maria Bello try to figure out why their son would shoot up his college in this stark drama. The real tragedy here, though, is that We Need to Talk About Kevin had to debut at Cannes and totally overshadow this little movie. That's the real reason Maria Bello is tearing the house down with her tears. (Limited release)


Beginners

Christopher Plummer is gay and dying, Ewan McGregor is confused, and Melanie Laurent is quirky in this indie from Thumbsucker director Mike Mills. It looks cute enough, if not a little precious, and when is Christopher Plummer not fantastic? I say see it! Well, I sorta say rent it. Thirteen dollars is a lot of money to pay to sit in someone else's living room. (Limited)


Empire of Silver

This trailer is all regular and dramatic and whatever, all about a guy preparing to take over the family banking business, sure thing, typical dramatic Chinese movie trailer, and then WHAMBO, with a high-pitched slap there's Jennifer Tilly on screen, saying English words. J. Tills!! Where ya been?? China, from the looks of it. Good for you. (Limited)


The Last Mountain

Mountaintop Removal (MTR) coal mining is very bad. It destroys entire ecosystems and tends to poison the human beings who live near the destroyed mountain. But, we like electricity! We sure do like that. So what's to be done? That's the hard question posed in this documentary. It's supposed to be good, if you believe these guys. Or not, if you believe this guy. (Limited)


Love, Wedding, Marriage

A long time ago a lonely old witch cast a spell on a chicken drumstick and turned it into a human boy and she named that boy Kellan Lutz. They were very happy together until young Kellan decided to move to California to be an actor, and now the old witch is just as lonely as she ever was. Which is a sad story. Almost as sad as the trajectory of Mandy Moore's acting career. Used to be she was palling around with Hugh Grant and Diane Keaton. Now it's ol' drumstick Kellan Lutz and Vanessa from Gossip Girl. Ah well. (Limited)


Mr. Nice

Rhys Ifans plays a drug dealer reminiscing on his life of crime in this little piece of peppy British grit. Chloe Sevigny is in this, as is Professor Lupin. Oh Lupin. I'm so sad about what's going to happen to you on July 15th. Sigh. But yeah, this looks kinda fun. And stay tuned at the end of the trailer for a special surprise! (Limited)


Rejoice and Shout

This is a comprehensive chronicling of 200 plus years of gospel music. Much like gospel music itself, you probably don't need to be religious to like this movie. Basically all you have to have done is seen and enjoyed The Preacher's Wife. Oh man. Remember Whitney Houston? I mean, remember? Sigh. (NY, LA on 6/17)


Submarine

You know what kind of independent movie no one has ever made? An independent movie about a quirky teenage boy trying to win over the weirdo pixie of his dreams and being like artsy and stuff. Oh wait, that is almost every indie movie! Well, here's another one. And it's British this time! (Limited)


X-Men: First Class

Near as I can tell, this is a love story about Michael Fassbender and James McAvoy running a boarding school and going on a trip to Cuba. That's what it's about right? Oh, and then Lucas Till walks in and smiles? I'd see this movie! I really would. (Everywhere, duh)