Earlier this year, supporters of labor mural-hating, child labor-loving Maine governor Paul LePage honored him by having an "Open for Business" sign installed along a highway in Kittery, on the Pine Tree state's southern border. Almost overnight, all the world's corporations except Groupon moved to Maine. But just before Memorial Day, somebody stole the sign—ruining prosperity and the holiday weekend for everyone.
Hopefully police can catch the prankster(s) before Maine's economy completely collapses! Their leads include a Craigslist ad for a "right-wing political sign," in which the seller offered to either give up the placard for $1,000 or trade it for a "multi-panel mural depicting the labor movement." Coincidentally, LePage had such a mural removed from the state Department of Labor, which angered Maine's many communists.
The other major piece of evidence is a ransom note—described by the Bangor Daily News as being "composed using letters cut out of newspapers and magazines and glued to a piece of paper"—left at the radio station run by novelist, John Mellencamp collaborator, and known Democrat novelist Stephen King. A spokesman for the state police says the ad and note are probably "bogus," though we don't learn how they reached that conclusion.
Luckily, the gravel and rock industries have probably saved Maine from turning into an abandoned ghost state for lobsters by raising funds to buy a replacement "Open for Business" sign. ("You can always count on the gravel people," as my grandpa, a small-stone enthusiast, always said.) They had to buy the sign from a company in Alabama, because all the sign companies in Maine closed when the first sign disappeared.