If you're a lawbreaking type who also likes cockfighting, pool parties, and grinding, you should consider moving your criminal enterprise to Venezuela. Down there, if you get convicted for dealing drugs or whatever other crime it is you're in the habit of committing, you could end up hanging out ("being incarcerated") at the San Antonio prison on Margarita Island in Porlamar. Supposedly it's a real blast.
Are there any actual margaritas at the Margarita Island party prison? The New York Times fails to answer this very important question, because they know nothing about parties. But there's barbecue, snacks, whiskey, and weed—and probably a blender somewhere, if you can find someone sober enough to help you locate it.
"Our prison is a model institution," says Iván Peñalver, a convicted murderer who preaches in the prison church. He probably knows where the blender is.
Aside from food, fun, and frolicking, San Antonio also offers occasional outbursts of "bloody anarchy," grenade attacks, and a lot of guns floating around that are sometimes used to kill people. Because of the restrictions on leaving, you can't just go if these characteristics bother you. But with all the perks, why would you ever want to leave? Unless you're some kind of nerd. The Venezuelan Prison Observatory reports that far more Venezuelan prisoners died violently than prisoners in Colombia, Brazil, and other countries, but you get what you pay for. Besides, the snacks at those countries' prisons aren't as flavorful or varied.
Apparently San Antonio's party-like atmosphere is due to the efforts of convicted drug trafficker and inmate Teófilo Rodríguez—who goes by the nickname "El Conejo," or "the Rabbit," because of his quirky carrot addiction. Oh, and because he also likes Playboy; in fact, he's gotten paintings of the Playboy logo posted all over the prison, which sounds tacky. But so is cockfighting.