Scholarship Kids Finally Learning Some MannersS

Everything college kids these days do is wrong. They think wrong, they fucksaw wrong, and they take everything for granted. Thank god colleges are finally taking that in loco parentis crap seriously.

In my day, if an adult gave you a present, you wrote them a thank-you note. If an adult did you a favor, you wrote them a thank-you note. If an adult decided to take a day off from beating your get-fresh butt, you wrote them a thank-you note. But kids these days don't know about things like "civilized behavior." So colleges are now forcing scholarship recipients to write thank-you notes to the donors before they get their money. Inside Higher Ed reports:

Now that budgets are tight and fund-raising is difficult, however, some see compulsory thank-you notes as a tool to help ensure that donors stay connected to the college and see the benefits of their contributions, potentially leading to future donations. Others see the letters that would come from such a requirement as too formulaic to do any good.

"Dear ____

Thank you very much for the scholarship. The university informs me that you are now entitled to one (1) sexual favor of your choice, to be performed by me, who you'd better hope is the taut young co-ed of your fantasies, rather than a typically overweight American teen video game enthusiast. I guess nothing in life is free.

Yours,
College Kid."

Still a bargain, compared to the price of a non-scholarship kid!

[Inside Higher Ed. Photo: Shutterstock]