There Is Nothing Sleazier Than 'Bikini Brunch'

Midtown nightlife hellhole Lavo has become known for their celebrity bottle service and hard-partying weekend brunches. Now it's taking the tackiness to a whole new level: "Bikini Brunch". Yes, female patrons will be encouraged to wear the skimpiest item in their wardrobe while eating their omelets.

This is just stupid. First of all, brunch is a sacrosanct occasion that shouldn't be spoiled with the added pressure of impressing someone sexually. Brunch is all about rolling up for an informal meal with your friends for a little bit of "hair of the dog" and some gossip recaps of what has happened since Friday evening. Usually you are wearing something to cover up the hard living of the weekend, not something that requires months of hard work in the gym and some superior genetics to pull off. Brunch should not be about getting gussied up to try to impress some drooling hedge funder in short-sleeved striped shirt and some idiotic hat.

What's even worse is that the men still have to keep their shirts on. I'm sure that's some kind of "no shirt, no service" requirement, but it just smacks of the stupid inequality of bottle service joints like Lavo. Ladies are invited if they're willing to tart themselves up for a free mimosa, but the boys can cover up every inch of skin and just creep on them, if they can afford to buy said ridiculously priced mimosa. If you're going to throw a bikini brunch, at least let everyone show up in their swimsuits, not that we'd want to see any of the pasty, pudgy clowns that are semi-erect at the thought of "bikini brunch" anyway (they're always pasty and pudgy, aren't they?).

On second thought, let's just leave brunch alone, shall we, and let everyone keep their clothes on. After all, there's nothing worse than a bunch of desperate ladies getting sticky maple syrup fingers all over them, is there?

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