Why the Giant Squid Should Be the Ocean's MascotS

You know what the problem is with the ocean? It's not overfishing, or global warming, or oil spills: It's branding. So you're an ocean? Who cares? You gotta sell it to us. You gotta have a powerful brand—a mascot. And that mascot has to be the giant squid.

Some biologists want the giant squid to become an icon for ocean preservation, like the panda bear has for dry land conservation. They have plenty of good reasons, according to Wired, like 'the species' ability to reflect key concerns facing ocean ecoystems". But the main reason we think this is a great idea is because giant squids are the most badass animals in the whole world—on land or underwater.

They're powerful: They lurk in the deep parts of the ocean, battling with sperm whales, only to surface once in a while to fuck up a hapless boat and drag the crew to a water grave! They're mysterious: Nobody had even filmed one alive until 2006. It's the closest thing you could get to having a dinosaur as your mascot, and everyone loves dinosaurs. Forget the ocean: these things should be the new mascot of the Democratic party! The Giant Squid Party? People would want to vote for them eight times, one for each of the squid's powerful, suction-cup-laced arms!

Seriously though, if Science makes the giant squid the ocean's mascot people are going to want to preserve the shit out of it. It might even work too well, and everyone will start flooding their homes with saltwater, trying to turn them into oceans. And then Science will have to be like, "Wait, you're conserving the ocean too hard! We're not going to have any land left!" But it will have been your fault, 'cause you unlocked the awesome power of the giant squid.

[Image via the Library of Congress]