It's that most exciting time of the year again for the global elite, who are all in Switzerland right now plotting secret-overlord terror plots at the 2011 Bilderberg Conference. This is not to be confused with the other annual rich and powerful secret conference in the woods outside San Francisco where they all have gay furry sex under a big Pagan fireball.
As a writer for an American media outlet, I don't think I'm allowed to ever write a word about the Bilderberg Conference as it might briefly upset our corporations. In England, though, the papers do try to cover annual secret meetings of the most powerful people on earth, which allows the Guardian to deliver this startling report from the scene. It seems that a sinister-looking Pringles can was acting uppity, like a terrorist:
Just when you thought the annual four-day Bilderberg conference couldn't get any more exciting, a policeman goes and finds a bomb. Or at least, he went and found a "tubular device" that at certain angles, if you squinted a bit, looked sort of like a bomb. By that well known bomb manufacturer – Pringles.
All of a sudden the shout went up, out came the handcuffs, and two men (that nobody recognized) were bustled into custody. We're still trying to find out who they were or what they're charged with...
In light of this new tubular threat patrols were stepped up, sniffer dogs began sniffing about, and everyone was moved a bit further back from the hotel. Although it must have been a fairly mild scare, because soon enough the first delegates came zooming through the hotel gates in their limos.
Feeling a little more paranoid nowadays, are we?