Catholic U Dorms Brace for More Gay Orgies

Is Catholic-filled Catholic University a "den of sin," infested with more STDs than your average koala bear? One can scarcely draw any other conclusion, based on the fact that the school's president now believes he must forcefully segregate students of opposite genders from one another, lest all this hot, hot sexxx continue unabated.

Catholic U prez John Garvey is getting rid of the school's co-ed dorms (which have been in place for more than 20 years), due to the fact that these supposedly Pope-worshiping young students can't stop fucking their fellow dorm-mates, possibly before, during, or after drinking the demon rum. Even though the different sexes were segregated in the dorms, and forced to observe "visiting hours!" Student leaders express skepticism in the Washington Post:

"College people are going to be drinking regardless of if there's a girl living above them or below them," said Bill Durdach, who graduated in May and once oversaw a floor of 52 male freshmen in a coed dorm. As for same-sex dorms: "Their behavior isn't any different. And sometimes it's worse," Durdach said.

Has President John Garvey even considered the possibility that his hasty action may give rise to higher levels of hot, sexxxy lesbian dorm-room orgies, as well as uncontrollable outbursts of transgressive Catholic gay sex-fucking, right there on campus? Consider what John Garvey actually wrote in real life, in the WSJ: "I would have thought that young women would have a civilizing influence on young men. Yet the causal arrow seems to run the other way. Young women are trying to keep up-and young men are encouraging them (maybe because it facilitates hooking up)."

John Garvey has never met a real live woman—a fey and pale harlot at heart, timid in public but secretly eager to drink deeply of the intoxicating "punch" offered by an animalistic young Catholic man with his mind on only one thing: not Jesus's teachings, but Jesus's vagina.

"A lot of us met our spouses there," notes one Catholic grad. Sex sex sex sex sex!

[Photo: JaredFrazer/ Flickr]