Al Qaeda Picks Old Schlub as New Leader

An announcement on jihadi message board Ansar al-Mujahideen today states that Osama bin Laden's right hand man, Egyptian surgeon Ayman al-Zawahiri is now in charge of Al Qaeda. As the old man celebrates his promotion, here a few facts about "The Doctor":

  • The State Department has a $25 million bounty on his head. Where you at, Gary Faulkner?
  • He turns 60 next week.
  • He was a snitch, back in his days in Egyptian prison: "The toughest thing about captivity is forcing the mujahid, under the force of torture, to confess about his colleagues, to destroy his movement with his own hands, and offer his and his colleagues' secrets to the enemy." Pussy.
  • He seriously hates Crusaders, Jews, the United Nations, and contact sports, which he once called "inhumane." However, when Qaeda kills innocent people, it's "either an unintentional error or out of necessity."
  • He has a thing for English proverbs and thinks global warming is destroying our planet.
  • [Image via AP]