If You Don't Want a Personal Jet Pack Then You're Dumb

Gravity existence! Personal jetpacks! Squirrel love! Treadmill shrimp! Lion theories! Worm brains! Dwarf stars! Futuristic pots! And x-ray food from the very near future! It's your Monday Science Watch, where we watch science—without any fancy science degrees!

  • Why does gravity exist? A new $36 million project aims to answer that question. And meanwhile I can't get a decent order of saag paneer in my neighborhood? Hello?
  • Guess what, the future is finally here because at long last you can buy your very own jet pack, for personal use. If you don't think that's cool, well, I suggest you toss yourself off a cliff. Now do you wish you had a jet pack? I thought so! Haha, don't worry, we'll get you fixed right up there in mid-air: annnnnnnndddd, freeze time! Oh, they didn't invent the freeze time thing yet.
  • Some people hate squirrels because squirrels mess up their gardens. How's about a different perspective? "Sharing a tasty morsel with friends and squirrels." Makes you want to read more, right? That's how you write a headline.
  • Shrimp on a treadmill? That's beyond!
  • One lone "big-cat activist" has his own theory about mountain lions. That's as far as I got before I was like, "What's my theory about mountain lions?" And I didn't have one, and then the whole "I'm a failure" thing started again, and ugh.
  • Scientists think that by studying the brain of the roundworm, they can unlock the secrets of the human brain. Yeah, maybe your brain.
  • Some astronomers are studying white dwarf stars elsewhere in our galaxy in order to learn how our own solar system will meet its end. But will that get you laid???? Not as much as some new Oakleys, bro!
  • This Japanese cooking pot that charges cell phones as you warm it over a fire will set back US-Japan relations by decades, if embarrassed American cooking pot designers have anything to say about it.
  • Would we all be healthier if our food was blasted with radiation? Before you answer that, I think there's something you should know.
[Photo: Martinjetpack/Flickr]