Police in Boulder are currently on the lookout for a man who was apparently hiding inside a porta-potty at last week's Hanuman Yoga Festival. Let that sink in for a second.
Yes, our suspect was inside, like, inside the infernal device. A female yoga enthusiast, who will likely need years of therapy, entered the the portable toilet, only to notice "something was moving inside the tank when she lifted the lid," according to police spokeswoman Kim Kobel.
Naturally, she found someone else to double-check what could have been some kind of yogic hallucination. But he, too, saw our peeping, uh, John "inside the tank, covered in a tarp." And after the second witness left the porta potty, it mysteriously locked from the inside.
A security guard waited outside until the man emerged, shirtless, with "several cuts on his back and legs," wearing two leather bracelets. "The supervisor," Kobel told the press, "tried to detain the suspect, but he ran away, covered in feces."
Police believe his name is "Sky."