A Brief Guide to Capitol Hill 'Seersucker Thursday'S

Congressmen and Senators may be having some trouble with their debt ceiling negotiations today — specifically, Republicans keep walking away of them — but that's not really important. Who cares about "bonds"? Especially today, on Seersucker Thursday!

Yes, that's right: Today is a very special dress-up day on Capitol Hill for these old, white slaveowners. Here's a brief look into the magic of Seersucker Thursday.

What is seersucker?

Light, blue- and white-striped preppy clothes for preppies.

What are the appropriate accessories for Seersucker Thursday?

Red bowtie for men, white shoes. Ladies do not have to wear ties as they are ladies. In the photo up top, you can see Sen. Mike Lee wearing brown shoes today. This is incorrect. What the fuck is wrong with him? The classic example for Seersucker Thursday is Ben Nelson, 2007. It's the one thing he's ever gotten right.

Who started Seersucker Thursday?

According to this AP photo caption, it was former Sen. Trent Lott, "who encouraged colleagues to don the lightweight, striped, summer-friendly fabric to combat the oppressive humidity in the nation's capital." Lott was a famous racist who was pushed out of his leadership position for being a racist. He is now a powerful lobbyist for corporations.

What is a typical Capitol Hill conversation like on Seersucker Thursday?

SEN. MCCONNELL: Why should you be head of the CIA, Gen. David Petraeus?

GEN. PETRAEUS: I like your Seersucker Thursday seersucker suit, Senator.

SEN. MCCONNELL: Confirmed.

What is the appropriate drink for Seersucker Thursday?

Some sort of mint julip/iced tea/lemonade/bourbon concoction that Senate Scientists are still working to perfect. Their funding is not in danger.

Can I wear seersucker on Seersucker Thursday if I'm not on Capitol Hill?

Don't even think about it.

[Image via AP]