Everything About Michaele Salahi's Musical Debut Is Depressing

It's not that Real Housewife of D.C. and White House party crasher Michaele Salahi's dance single is awful, which it is, it's that it is so sad. Everything about it is so eye-gougingly sad that it's probably the saddest attempt at a second act in the history of television.

Everything in the clip makes me want to cry: From the fact that her live singing debut happened on some NBC affiliate in Miami to her awful breathy vocals that don't even get loud enough to cover the backing track to the unironic use of "techno music" to the way she robotically puts her fist up in the air when she says, "Jump." Then there are the backup dancers who manage to outshine her and the MC who thinks that somehow riding on Salahi's coattails will get him somewhere. That's just as sad and delusional as thinking a reality show and a dance single will make you the next Bethenny Frankel.

It will not, Michaele. It will just make you a sad husk of woman in a too-short, too-tacky dress dancing badly on a morning show far, far from your home. Just put the Louboutins away, Michaele, and get a job. Give fame up entirely. Maybe it's not too late for something practical, like getting your real estate broker license or going to nursing school. No matter what you think, there is nothing as undignified as this.