Yesterday came a rumor that Charlie Sheen, already fired from his hit sitcom Two and a Half Men for being Charlie Sheen, will have his character killed-off, off screen, at the beginning of next season. Interesting! How should Charlie Harper perish?
Word right now is that he'll drive his car off a cliff, which is pretty grand and gruesome, but there are other things that could be fun too.
- Martin Sheen bursts through the wall and beats Charlie to death with a West Wing complete series DVD set, screaming "You're ruining it! You're ruining it! You're ruining it!"
- Jon Cryer('s character) finally gives into his darkest latent desires, so Charlie dies by sex crime.
- The kid, y'know, the half-man, he comes trundling in and says some stupid one-liner and then he farts and Charlie falls over dead from the smell because teenagers and because that's already basically every joke on this show minus the Charlie dying part.
- Charlie dies in a fire and so does everyone else and it turns out it was started by Holland Taylor who just couldn't take any more of this shit. The episode (and the show) ends with a shot of Taylor driving up the PCH in an open convertible wearing a kerchief and sunglasses and Tina Turner's "I Don't Want to Fight" plays the scene out.
- Charlie falls down the stairs and dies, because people falling down the stairs is funny, and this is a comedy show after all.
- Charlie dies from drugs all alone in a huge mansion full of crazy things, the echoes of old strippers/hookers/whoever lurking about, and no one finds him for a few days and when they finally do find him everyone says "Well, it was bound to catch up to him eventually. Such a shame." and we all learn a lesson about drugs and addiction and other demons. Well, that might be too "on the nose," as it were.
Granted these all involve Charlie Sheen coming back to tape his death scene which probably won't happen, but we can dream. OK, now give us your own ideas!
[Photo: Warner Bros]